Subtitles translated ♪♪byXQ2☻
DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR
Heheheh! Hey!
Monseigneur, Grandee.
Buenas tardes, amigos!
The taxes are there, Minister.
The salt, land and spice taxes... how much, this year?
200,000 ducats.
-Last year it was more! -The harvest was very good.
This year's was very bad. So you must pay double!
All these taxes are for the king!
Don Salluste, our people are terribly poor.
That's normal.
The poor were meant to be poor and the rich to be rich.
Come on, come on...☻
Hurry up!
I have 3 more villages to visit.
Gather that up... hurry!
Where's the cheering?☻
The enthusiasm?
Viva Don Salluste.
Viva our benefactor!
- Our friend! - Viva our friend.
- Olé! - Olé.
Not quite. It'll have to do!
The coach looks solid, but it isn't.
Hey?
The coach looks solid, but it's not. Leaks like a sieve!
Stuff just falls out. Blaze!
So, if I were you, I'd...
Follow the coach!
All this, for the King.
That's for me.
That... is for me.
That's for me.
Hey, careful!
Hey! Ho! Easy!
The spice tax is for...?
Salluste? -yes! (No for the King!)
Oh, leave me alone!
Is the land tax for the King?
No, it's for Salluste!
(Thief!) - No, not at all! It's for Salluste, that's that!
Look out!
Hold on, sir.
I'll help you.
Ay-ay-ay! My ruff!
I'll help you, Monseigneur.
No!
That's my gold! And my gold is MY gold!
And I don't need you!
- You sure? - Ah!
What's happening?
The villagers, are cheering for you.
-Cheering for me? - Yes.
I should've tripled the take.
Ahh!
Death to him!
Blaze!
Help!
Aah! Blaze!
Help.
Stop.
Stop, will you!
Wait! Help!
Why'd you get off?
My good Blaze! Here!
My hand! Help, my good Blaze!
Hold tight, my dear Blaze.
Ah! Ah!
Don't let me go! Such a good Blaze!
Thank you, my dear Blaze.
They weren't cheering me. Not cheering at all!
Take that! And that!
And that!
They weren't cheering! They weren't cheering me!
Those crooks!
See that? They almost had me!
Oh, yes Sir!
That's "The People" for you!
Not there!
There!
Not enough lather.
Not enough hair either.
Ay! Ayay, ay!
Don't move.
Ay!
Ay! Ay! Ay!
Voilà!
Now, Blaze... flatter me.
Monseigneur is the grandest of all the Spanish Grandees.
That's no flattery, it's just true... Well?
Imbecile.
What?
"Imbecile" I said to the Duke's valet.
"My master is not the issue of an inbred marriage"
"Take a good look", he said.
"Don't go by appearences", I said.
"Just because his mother married his aunt's half brother
"who was his father's first cousin"
Are you sure that's flattery?
I thought of something else but I don't dare.
Go on, dare!
Go on!
Monseigneur is... handsome.
Do you actually believe what you said?
Well, I'm flattering you.
Good night, Your Majesty.
Was ist das?
The Queen!
Ach! Schön. (Lovely)
Vergissmeinnicht! (Forget-me-nots)
Myosotis! (mouse's ear)
The Queen has a knave!
That could be worth a fortune!
It's Blaze!
There's the old bat.
Things are heating up!
A Queen of Spain receives flowers from no one.
Not even from the King!
Whew!
Oh!
♪ La-la laii...!
Oh! Now the gallows-bird starts to sing.
You, up there, Blaze!
Blaze! Are you crazy? You'll wake the whole palace!
Niemals trank ein Liebes Wort an mein Ohr (Never have my ears drunk love words)
Warum? (Why?)
That's the Queen, she's Bavarian.
Pretty, but stupid!
What a lovey song!
My young German heart in exile, trembles at this melody.
Majesty.
A Queen of Spain does not listen to songs...
when the King is out hunting.
Hunters, weepers. Lovers, keepers.
Olé!
Because I love the Queen.
Me, a valet, "I dare"!
He's stomping around, now!
Just you wait, I'll show you!
Blaze, my valet, lover of the Queen!
The fool will get himself drawn and quartered!
C'mere, you!
C'mere!
He sings, he taps!
He stomps! Hey!
Knock off the noise "Romeo" it's 2 in the morning!
Hey!
Ho!
Let me go!
Let go.
Ho!
Aaah!
Golden time!
Golden sunrays.
Wake up and smell the gold.
Monseign'or'!
It's 8 'or'clock!
Kitchi, kitchi, kootchi!
One's missing!
You sure?
'Gold' damn sure!
I say!
Look under the bed.
There!
There it is!
Look! Look at this!
- What? -You're too tall!
You're my valet, c'mon!
I sould be able to see that! That's better.
Give me my breadsticks.
Monseigneur is in a good mood!
No, I'm not! And you know why!
Why?
'Cause last night, bom bom bom tagada tagada!
Gling gling gling, tarata taratata!
Digading digadigadigading
Monseisei... Monseisei...
Monseigneur!
It's th-the... the...
The what?
The Queen!
The Queen here, at this hour?
My doublet, my fleece, hurry!
Take that off!
Dress me! Dress me!
Yes! The Infanta's hand is mine, now.
And I'm not letting her go.
I didn't know that you and the Infanta...
My ruff!
- There... - You don't understand...
The Queen's coming to tell me that I'm to be...
the King's SON-IN-LAW!
How extraordinary, since they have no children!
King's NEPHEW, then! Same thing.
All I need is for the King to have a hunting accident... Pow!
Then, fat cousin Léopold... Pow!
Then, little Duke d'Anjou... Ngh!
Lots of hunting accidents. Pow! Pow! Pow!
And voilà, I'm King!
And we'll avoid the War of the Spanish Succession.
Her Majesty, the Queen!
Quick, tidy up!
Make way for the Queen.
Seid still! (Be still)
Ruhe!
Ruhe, die Hunde! Ruhe! (Quiet, dogs)
Sie haben meine Ehrendame entehrt. (You dishonored my Lady in Waiting)
Euh... what? Was?
Und die Unschuld eines jungen deutschen Mädchen missbraucht!
(And abused the innocence of a young German girl)
Ah! Danke schön! (Thank you)
Schmall Infanta! Schön! (lovely)
Ich bin happy meine aunt.
Meine auntie! Ach!
Raus, die Zwerge! Los!Raus, schnell! (Out dwarfs, away! Out quickly)
"Raus... Schnell..."
What a lovely tongue!
Sie sind abgesetzt, verbannt und ausgewiesen.
Ihr Vermögen ist beschlagnahmt zu Gunsten der Krone.
What's she saying?
Don Salluste, you are dismissed, demoted, exiled.
You lose your your title "Knight of the Golden Fleece",
and your functions as Minister of Police and of Finance.
All your holdings are confiscated by the crown.
But what did I do?
Ein Kind, Don Salluste! An infant!
Your Majesty.
What's this? Who is this?
You revuze to regoknize zis paby off my Lady in Vaitink?
How can I recognize it, I don't even know it!
Ja! Ja! Ja!
Ja ja ja?... Nein!
Zeduzed und abandoned, he has! Verfürt und verlassen.
Liar!
She's a liar. She's lying in German.
This child is a false witness. Warum mich? Ich habe nicht!
She and I, nada! Nada! Never! Nothing!
Your Majesty, Das ist eine kolossal Konspirazion!
Don Salluste, you vill leaf Madridt tomorrow.
After returnink your Golden Fleece to ze Kingk!
Madame! Wait!
Majesty don't be influenced by a newborn baby.
Alright, I recognise this child, and all my faults, and
mine and other people's children.
Your children, if it please you.
- Villain! - Scoundrel!
Look, he's as green as his gloves. (furious?)
His disgrace serves our purpose.
Tomorrow, he'll return his Golden Fleece to the King.
It's an unexpected stroke of luck.
We must act fast.
Oh, amigos!
Amigos!
Oh!
Hey!
Not that! That's mine.
No! That's mine too.
No, you can't have my table.
Hey you, give us a hand!
Sure.
Allez...hop!.
My forks!
The Queen said to take away everything.
Everything!
I didn't take anything.
Yes, you did.
Who put that in my pants?
What'll become of me?
I'm a Minister, I don't know how to do anything!
We can look for a job together, Monseigneur.
You, piss off!
Disappear! I never want to see you again.
- Who'll pay my wages? - Your wages? Take that!
I dismiss you.
You no longer exist for me.
Let me hav...
If you don't mind!...
- It's my broom. - Bandit! Con man! Punk!
You bitch of a Queen!
Slutten!
I'll get my revenge. Take that!
Hey, One-eye!
- Monseigneur... - Alright, enough.
- Do you know César? - The bandit?
César the bandit. - Yes. - You must get ahold of him.
No one's seen him for 10 years, and me with one eye...
You see very well with one eye!
Alright, you don't see that well. Anyway...
once you find the first half the other half can't be far.
César! Nephew!
Crook! Lout!
I'm here!
Scoundrel.
It's me. Where are you?
Up here.
Up where?
Over here.
Ah! There he is.
I'm coming.
So, you old creep...
you crawled out of your hole, and you need me?
I have a proposition for you.
Does it pay well?
A fortune -- mine!
Do you take me for an ass?
No, not that way.
Not this way. Move along.
Ah!
Listen to me.
César, the bandit, the crook, disappears.
Forgotten! Paf! Forget about him. He's gone!
And becomes 'Don' César.
I'll tell the court you just got back from the Americas.
And...
...you seduce the Queen.
Is it true what they say? You fell fom Her grace?
You seduce the Queen.
I send an anonymous letter to the King.
He catches you in the act, repudiates her...
and puts me back in power.
Can you imagine finding, anywhere in Spain,...
such an idiot to fall for such a ploy?
An idiot! I had one, but I was stupid enough to fire him.
So, you're saying no, right?
No, no, no!
Come on!
Very good. Very good.
Here he is. What'll we do with him?
To Africa! To the Berbers!
You're a more treacherous coward than I thought.
Sell him. I never want to hear of him, again.
Go!
Death to Salluste!
Kill Salluste!
Thief!
Punish him!
Long live the King!
The stake for Salluste!
Death to Salluste!
[Death to Salluste]
Be right there.
Hey!
What's this... hmm?
Ah!
A lady like you...
walking the streets of Madrid at this hour?
That's not prudent.
Think it's more prudent like this, imbecil?
-Oh! Monseigneur! - Shh!
-Know wham here? - What?
Do you know why I'm here? - No.
Since you left I've sunk into a frightful depression.
Sir doesn't realise what 'she's' saying.
I do. I thought of you a lot since this morning.
Give me your hand. - No! - Give it, here.
Gimme your hand.
Oh!
What a destiny!
You're homely - she's a beauty!
You're broke - she's very rich.
You're an idiot - she is too.
You're a valet - she's The Queen.
It's written there!
She doesn't even know I exist.
What if, I, with my magic wand,
made this difference vanish in one night?
What if I turned you into...
Prince Charming?
Give me back your hand. - No.
- Yes. - No!
What luck you have!
And that luck is me!
This way, Monseigneur.
On your knees before the King.
He likes people on the ground. When he arrives, you crawl.
But, the Queen? Even on the ground, she'll recognise me.
Do you know how many lackeys, like you, are in this palace?
- No. - 800! So...
Let's review.
Alright, I don't say "chez" the barber's but "to" the barber.
No, the other way. Not "to", but, "chez" the barber's.
And you don't just say "hello"...
...but "meeting you here makes this a happy place".
That's very good.
Very good!
Your place is squalid!
How can one live in such a mess?
This is where Monseigneur lodges his staff.
Ahh! It's lovely.
Very nice.
Are you happy, here?
- Huh? - Yes.
Get undressed.
What is your name?
Don César, Count of Gafaro.
No, Ga-RO-fa, Count of Garofa!
Returned from the Americas. Ga-RO-fa!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, hup!
- Hup! - No!
You really have no class!
How about lying... Can you lie?
It's very useful at court. Hm?
Tell me a big lie.
Let's see if I believe you or not.
A really big one. Go!
Yesterday, in the coat-tails of Sir's green suit,
I found 300,000 ducats.
Huh?! Where are they?
Under my straw mattress.
Thief! Thief! You robbed me.
No, Monseigneur, I lied to you.
Long live the King!
The King.
Dismount.
Put your hat back on. You're a Spanish Grandee.
Grandees cover themselves before the King.
Fine, let's go.
Excuse me.
Don't excuse yourself. The poor excuse themselves.
When you're rich, you're obnoxious.
Fine, let's go.
Una 'merveillosa'!
In Florence they call this
"una macchina infernale". (infernal machine)
Are you mocking us, Giuseppe?
This ridiculous firecracker wouldn't hurt a fly.
Later on, I multiply the explosion by a thousand...
and the King of Spain... poof!
Messieurs.
In a moment, the King will be dead.
One for all,...
...each for himself.
What's gotten into you?
I can't, Sir. I feel awful.
Can't we come back tomorrow?
My Golden Fleece gets revoked today, not tomorrow.
Don't you wanna get to know the Queen?
- Yes, but... - Move, then!
No!
I said no.
What if they ask what I saw in the Americas?
Americans!
And with this,
'you know who'...
will know who you are.
Achh!
Voila.
The Infanta.
Your fiancée, Monseigneur? My compliments.
Prrpt!
Ugly brat.
Ill-bred, to boot.
I should've got a better man to present me to the Queen.
-Not a man with a revoked Fleece. - Ingrate!
I spent all night transforming a worm into a hidalgo.
Pfff!
Ill-bred! Did you see that?
Where is he? Where'd he go?
Where are you going?
-Last night, I lost my head. - I don't care. Stay!
And I wonder why you'd do all this for me... hm?
No, I'd better go.
I order you to stay.
No, Monseigneur, that's enough.
Bow, scrape, stand, sit, lie, salute like this, talk like that...
I've had enough. - Shut up!
So, Mr. Marquis, good day to you!
Oh you... You're...
Oh, yes, Monseigneur! I'm ill-bred too.
Crrrk!
The King! The Queen!
Is the exit this way or that?
My Lords, the Grandees!
Aiy!
My Lords, cover yourselves.
- My money! Did you forget? - You'll be paid after.
-No money, no bomb! - Shh!
Listen, Giuseppe,...
here's a promissory note. No!
The other half after the explosion.
Start the mechanism.
Careful, it'll blow in exactly 4 minutes, 30 seconds.
When it explodes, be at least 20 metres from the throne.
My God, the Queen!
Hurry, hurry, Monsignor.
-Where's the throne? - That way.
Don Salluste,...
Marquis of Montalégré,
Baron Del Pisco,
by order of his Majesty,
our beloved King,
you will retire to the monastery of Saint Ignacio...
where you'll take a vow of chastity...
and of poverty.
Oh no, not poverty! Sire?
Sire, Don Salluste awaits Your Majesty's pleasure.
Don Salluste!
You're no longer worthy to be our companion.
As the Queen informed you...
we retract your title of 'Knight of the Golden Fleece'.
It's heavy.
Enough, Salluste!
Look out!
Huh?
Watch out, it's going to blow!
Watch out, Sire!
The cushion! The cushion!
Ah! Ah! Ah!
Aaah!
No!
It's Salluste!
He tried to kill the King.
Arrest him!
There he is.
It's not me. I was here.
I didn't move from here. Liar!
Salluste!
No, Sire. For once, it wasn't me. I was here, praying.
Excuse me, your Majesty. It's not him, it's him. Look.
Give me back that paper.
Look, Sire, here's the proof.
Quickly!
Who are you, sir...
who just saved our life?
Well, your Majesty, I'm...
I, I, I, I...
I'm...
My nephew, Sire. Don César...
Count of Gafaro. - Ga-ro-fa!
Count of Garofa.
Returned from the Americas...
Where I saw many Americans.
Don Salluste.
Yes, Sire?
You have 5 minutes to leave forever, through the Puerta del Sol.
He really has it in for me.
- What? - Has it in for me.
César!
That's you.
César, come here.
César, Von Garofa!
On your knees.
I hope you'll be more worthy of it than your uncle.
Yes, Sire.
- Congratulations. - Congratulations...
To the Puerta del Sol!
You're little bomb wasn't very well rigged.
It exploded way too early... pft!
But my bomb...
my big bomb, there will explode much later.
But when it blows, it'll make a frightful scandal.
I don't understand.
Never mind. Off to Barbary!
Paf!
Ah!
You son of a bitch, Salluste! I'll have your hide.
Enough, César. You've told this story 50 times.
Yalla, yalla!
Yalla!
Where are you from?
Madrid.
The King sold me for 500 dinars.
The treasury's still empty.
Asshole, Salluste!
There have been big changes.
Salluste is no longer in power.
It's César now, his nephew.
César?! Goddamit, I'M César!
Ashadu an la ilaha illa'llah. (There is no God but Allah)
Ashadu an la ilahaa...
Ashadu anna Muhammadan Rasulu'llah (Prophet Muhammed was his Messenger)
Allahu akbar. Allahu akbar. (God is great)
Allahu akbar. Allahu akbar.
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem (In the name of God, most Gracious and Most Merciful)
Mmmmm!
- César. - Sire?
What do you figure it'll be?
Oh, 3 to 4 million ducats, Sire.
The "volontary" contribution of His Excellency, the Marquis Del Basto.
But, Sire, I don't understand.
The Del Bastos haven't paid taxes for 300 years.
There's a first time for everything.
- By what right? - Divine right.
What do you make of that, my dear Del Basto?
Oh!
Your Majesty!
Next, gentlemen!
The brigand!
That brigand took 5 million.
I won't pay.
I will pay, gentlemen. But I'll have the last laugh.
- César? - Yes, Sire?
Why are your boots always shinier than mine?
I polish them myself, Sire.
Yourself?
Hold on, I'll show you. It's very simple.
Give me your leg.
Their Excellencies: the Marquis of Priégo...
the Duke of Los Montès and the Duke of Sandoval.
Allow me.
Excuse me, Sire, but it's the only way.
Voila. Every morning.
- Every morning? - Yes, every morning.
-Come on, give me your leg. - No.
Oh, come on. - Sire!
Sire, I protest.
The poor pay taxes, not the rich.
Exactly. Not very fair, was it, Sire?
That's why we changed all that.
There's a lot less gold on the scales than before. Don't you think, César?
Yes, I think so too, Sire. Pardon me!
Oh-lala, practically nothing!
Alley-oop!
Let me down.
Come on, don't pull that face!
Go, Brutus.
Your Majesty, I think...
Enough! My horse!
Come, I'll take you hunting.
Sire, the Queen!
- She's waiting for you. - Oh the Queen, the Queen!
Tell her I'll see her tomorrow.
I'll first kill 6 wolves, then I'll be back.
Allez!
Por aqui, por alla! (Over here, over there)
Doña Isabella?
No!
Por aqui!
Por aqui.
Por alla!
Your Majesty. Don César.
Was wollen sie? (What do you want)
Madam, the King won't be back until tomorrow.
He was called away on urgent affairs of state.
You lie so badly. Das ist sehr delikat.
Plind-man's pluff, mit us, play, Don Zésar?
Your Majesty.
A Queen of Spain does not play blind-man's buff with a gentleman.
Wer sagt das? (Who says?)
Etiquette, Madam!
Für dieses mal vergessen wie die Etikette! (forget etiquette, for once)
Blindfold the eyes of Etiquette.
What? Madam... Majesty, you can't really...
Really, your Majesty!
Not me.
Here I am. Where are you?
Where are you, my little ones?
Por aqui. (falsetto)
Por alla!
Por aqui, Doña Juana!
Yo te tengo! (I got you)
Si, si, si!
Un poquito mas, por favor! (A little farther)
Por aqui!
Ole!
Who did that?
Who dared?
I was pushed.
Who pushed me?
I swallowed water.
I'm choking.
Madame!
Achtung! (Careful) Doña Juana!
Don't worry, I drowned her.
Those little pests will pay for this.
I need to talk to your Majesty.
Das ist streng verboten. (strictly vorbidden)
Shh... Shhh...
What's verboten is deceiving you.
To let you think I'm someone else.
Accepting the King's favours meanwhile I...
Was sagen Sie? Ich verstehe nicht. (What? I don't understand)
Voila. My name isn't César, it's Blaze.
I'm not Salluste's nephew. I'm his valet.
Ach... Valais?
Valais!
Swiss, you are?
Why Swiss? What Swiss?
Katastrophe! Die Alte! (the old lady)
Madame.
I don't know how... - Don César!
Madame, I must tell you. I love you!
You're so beautiful, so radiant, so luminous.
No...
Oh, yes, yes.
I've desired you for months.
I don't know if you do it on purpose.
You're so coquettish with your mischievous eyes.
Your little feet.
Now that I've told you everything...
if you want me to leave...
tell me and I'll obey.
Oh!
You're crying, Madame!
Yes...
Don César!
-There you are! - Shhh!
My dear Baron.
I want to talk to you about my taxes.
You must understand, it's very hard to meet the requirements.
César.
I'm yours, body and soul. Whenever you want.
Here's my hand.
Why do you sigh, César?
I love you too.
Not so fast.
Ah!
You savage!
Monseigneur, what if they recognise you?
6 months in exile, everyone's forgotten me.
Wait for me under the ramparts. I'll join the procession.
Blaze is surely there. Go!
Hey, Blaze, is that you?
No.
Hey, César, is that you?
Huh?
Nope, not him.
Guess why the Minister isn't here?
He's with the King, as usual.
Wanna know what they're doing?
Another new law.
Now, when you kill a domestic, you have to declare it.
Blaze!
- César! - César! No doubt about it.
We need the courage to stab him in the back.
A plot against Blaze? They'll fuck up everything!
Never thought I'd miss that old bastard, Salluste.
At least, he only stole from the poor.
The surest way is poison.
Tomorrow is his birthday.
Our best chance ever, to make him eat a big poisoned cake.
Imbecil!
But it wasn't me!
Del Basto! Sandoval!
So, what time tomorrow?
3 o'clock at my place. By 4, it'll all be over.
Aaaah!
Priégo!
Aaaaah!
Los Montès!
Hey? Paf!
That... pfft!
Another plot. Now, they want to kill Blaze.
I absolutely must warn him or my own plot is sunk.
Hey, mute. Mute!
Mute!
He's deaf, to boot!
I'm listening.
You're talking too fast. Repeat.
Don't shout, I'm not deaf!
I don't hear a thing. What's he saying?
Stay out of our conversation.
You, continue!
Reforms?!
He's making reforms?!
That's why they want him to eat the big cake a la creme.
Not to fatten him up, imbecile, to poison him.
We can't, at any cost, let him eat it.
Why? Because, you imbecile...
if they kill my poor little Blaze, tomorrow,
I can't have the King catch him in the Queen's bed.
The King, cuckolded by my valet, now, THAT'S vengeance!
For you, César, my best bull.
Look how brave he is.
I branded him with your momogram.
Priégo, 3 months ago, I took your gold.
Now you offer me your best bull.
What does it mean?
It means, hombre, I have no hard feelings.
Come, there are more suprises, ahead.
Cyanide!
Caught you pilfering!
Animal! Lout!
Rogue!
Just you wait. Come with me
to Don Marquis de Priégo. - Not the Marquis.
He'll have you flogged. It'll amuse the guests.
No, listen, your cream isn't sweet, it's salty.
- Salty? - It's salty!
It's sweet.
It's salty... Yum-yum, yum!
Go on, more.
The Marquis... a lackey?
What are you doing, Monseigneur? - Hide me and dance! Quickly.
You've got some gall! Calling on me among MY friends...
...on MY birthday.
Enjoy your birthday. It's your last.
What?
Your birthday cake's poisoned.
Eat as little as possible, play for time. I'll do the rest.
They want to kill me? Who? - YOUR friends!
César!
There they are. Mistreat me!
So, César, are you coming?
Take that, you lout! And that, scoundrel.
Not so hard. - Take that!
Ayi!
Enough!
César, come cut your cake.
Gladly. I'm deeply touched.
Really. It's a very kind gesture among friends.
If there were fewer flies, it'd be perfect.
Because it's hot at this time.
(gotta play for time) ... Never mind.
Shouldn't be that many...
Don't move...
No, but look!
See how many flies?
Look, look!
Don't move!
Don't...
Don't move!
Look!
There it is.
It's tasting my cake... What?!
It's dead.
- How curious! - What are you waiting for?
Cut your cake and eat it.
Such a fine cake merits a fine blade.
Bon appetit, gentlemen!
Treason!
Leave him to me.
Salluste!
This way, hurry!
There!
Oh!
Silence. - Death to him!
Gentlemen, I offer you an execution. But not the bull's.
Hey!
Ole!
Gentlemen, our turn.
Hurry!
Hurry! Hurry!
Aah! Hahaha!
Thank you, Monseigneur, you saved me.
You're... You're...
You're my prisoner! Up! - But, Monseigneur...
What's gotten into you?
Let me go!
Dump him in there. Move!
Monseigneur? Oh, come on!
Ho!
Shh!
Shh! Enough.
Don't!
Enough now.
That's enough now, huh?
Look there.
The Queen's there...
Cooperate or I'll pluck you.
The Queen's up there.
Window with a balcony.
Look up there. Very good.
Now let's rehearse... Are you listening?
Rehearse one last time. OK, talk!
Ta-ta-talk! Go on! Go on!
- Merde! - You uncouth character!
After what I paid for you!
Don't say it again. Now talk!
Prrrr! Talk!
Now repeat after me.
César sent me. Go on.
César sent me.
Very good. Perfect. What do you say next?
Yo te quiero.
Not in Spanish, in German. She's German.
Ich liebe dich.
Ich li...
Ich liebe dich, go on!
Hup!
This way!
No, not that window!
Why'd it go to the old lady? What's it telling her?
César sent me.
César!
Caw, caw! Caw, caw! ...
You say, tomorrow evening?
In the Cabeza Negra inn?
- He'll wait for you. - He'll wait for me?
Jawohl, mein Lieber! (Yes, my love)
What's that frightful noise?
You made a mistake. Come here. - No.
- Come! - No!
The Queen is there, up there. Go on.
Ist da jemand im Garten? (Anyone in the garden?)
Ach! Was für ein schöner Papagei! (What a lovely parrot!)
Speak! Tell her.
Ich liebe dich.
Wirklich? (Really?)
Ich bin sent by Don Césarrr!
Don César, are you zere?
Yo te quiero.
Rotten beast! I'll fix you later!
Was für eine gute Idee! (What a good idea)
Das ist ganz romantisch! (It's so romantic)
Don César, are you fallink?
Nein, mein liebe, ich bin konfortabel!
Kommen Sie to see mich?... me...
Tomorrow evening? The Cabeza Negra inn?
Ein rendezvous? Das ist eine grosse folly!
Nein, little folly!
Can I count on you?
Count?
Ja, count: Eins, zwei, drei... Count!
Ja, I vill pee there.
Ach, she vill pee there!
Gute Nacht, Don César.
Auf Wiedersehen!
Mmmmm.
An anonymous letter for the King!
Sire, you're too strong for me.
An anonymous letter for the King!
Anonymous letter?!
Sire, your Majesty is a cuckold.
What? Me?
Yes, you! The Queen's cheating on you.
With who? - With Don César.
The traitor!
The Queen intends to meet him this evening...
at the Cabeza Negra inn.
And... in a moment, she'll come in and say:...
Majesty!
Your Majesty, mein papa, sick.
To Bavaria, go, may I, bitte?
When will you leave?
Tonight.
Sooner I leave, sooner I be back.
Go, Madame.
You may be certain my thoughts will follow your every step.
Danke, mein geliebter König. (my beloved King)
I don't understand anything, anymore.
Oh, you will understand!
Look here; you save me, you kidnap me, you tie me up...
and you shave me. Why, hm?
Well?... Be careful!
What are you up to? Old bastard.
I'll tell you.
You're my pawn... I'm playing you.
I clean up my pawn.
There!
Look.
Remember that?
- Oh no, no! - Yes, yes! Oh yes!
That hurts. Doesn't it hurt?
I perfume my pawn.
Voilà!
I tart up my pawn.
Making it handsome. Irresistible.
Mmmmm.
Not happy, huh?
Finished. Voila! How handsome! Madame, look how handsome!
That's 3 times.
Never in 40 years, but, 3 times today;
me, a Grandee, ass-kicked by a lackey!
The asses of the lowly are as good as the asses of the Grand.
My, how your head has swelled! It's enormous!
I'll have you arrested. You're no longer Minister.
Wait!
I'm gagging my pawn...
- Woah! Ho! - Mmh! Mmh!
Now, I'm calming my pawn.
Wait for it...
All done.
Hey, Mute! One-eye!
Mute! One-eye!
- Yes, Monseigneur? - Still nobody? - No.
You, keep your eye open.
And you: ...!
Talk!.
A mute... Just my luck!
Ow!
Don't look. There's nobody.
Go away, go!
Malaga.
Don't worry. It's for beddy-byes.
Later, in that bed, when you wake up, you'll get a surprise.
Don't move.
I'll go make myself handsome, too. Back in 5 minutes.
Who are you?
Don César.
The real one.
There's somebody.
Mi amor! (My love)
Mi tesoro! (My treasure)
Mi hombre! (My man)
Mommy!
The parrot told me everything.
Really? Shh... the zebra under the bed can hear us.
This room, this love nest, these flowers, this supper!
Hmm, bite me again, wild man!
What if we drank something first?
You great fool!
Trying to get me drunk?
- You first. -After you, Juanita. Mi corazon!
Ahhh!
Monseigneur!
What is it? What's happening?
The mute's been knocked out.
Blaze! It must be him.
Ah! The old dame!
What the hell's she doing here?
- Who is she? - The dueña. (chaperone)
Where's the Queen? Where's Blaze?
- The ingrate got away. - He can't be far.
Go find him.
I need him in this bed right away. Go!
You, this way; me, that way.
Lemme go. Oop-la!
You're so strong.
Make love to me.
No, we mustn't.
What's all this nonsense!
Go beddy-byes.
Who is it?
Ich bin es, Don César. (it's me)
Ein Moment, bitte!
Kommen Sie, mein Liebling. (come my darling)
It's done, Monseigneur! - Shh!
I found him. - Where is he?
I knocked him out and put him back in the bed, like you said.
Bravo! Help me.
Ah! César, my nephew.
You made a mistake, imbecile!
It's your nephew. It's him. - No it's not!
I sold him to the Berbers. I took their money and spent it.
- Where'd you find him? - There, in the hall.
He must've escaped! I'm going crazy!
Let's put him with the old dame.
Your Majesty, my Queen, mein Liebling.
You must wake up. Quick, wake up.
One!
Two!
- Majesty, your Majesty! - Ich liebe dich, César.
Wake up. You don't understand He wants to compromise you.
Küssen sie mich!
"Küssen sie mich"?... Ah yes, kiss.
Oh, your Majesty, I'd love to, but this is not the moment.
It's Blaze, I need! Where the hell is he?
Ah!
He's there! You said he wasn't.
I don't understand.
Ah!
There, voilà.
Her, like so; and him, like so.
César, I love you.
Oh! Aaah!
Dismount!
César! César!
Come!
Your Majesty!
Search the house and bring everybody to me.
Go, hurry!
Salluste!
What are you doing here?
Where's the Queen?
Did his Majesty receive my anonymous letter?
Where's the Queen?
Upstairs, Sire. I'll show you.
Hurry.
Watch out!
Mmf!
So we agree, I rendered you a great service.
You repudiate the Queen and return my titles, my money, my Fleece.
Here we are.
Sire! You, here?
Wake up, Juanita, my little angel. The King is here.
Oh, Sire!
Doña Juana, have you no shame?
Oh no, Sire!
And you, César, huh?
- Where's the Queen? - The Queen, here?
She left for Bavaria, Sire, because of her papa is ill.
That's why Doña Juana and I...
took the opportunity.
Tell me, Salluste.
That's enough. You're in the room of a young girl.
Sire, Sire! I'm no longer a girl.
- Marry us. - No, hey! Woah!
I mean... Let me explain, Sire.
Let me see if I can.
There's nobody else. We searched everything. Only found these two.
Who are these two men? Salluste!
Where is he?
Giddy up.
César.
Küssen Sie mich!
What did she say?
Kiss her, you fool.
Salluste! Where are you going?
Nowhere, Sire.
I was looking for your Majesty.
So, Salluste...
am I a cuckold?
Wait!
Yalla!
Look who's coming.
Look who's there.
The Grandees!
Yalla!
I have the ritziest penal colony in all of Sahara.
Anyway, we're not going to rot here.
I have a little plan to escape.
We go back to Madrid.
We conspire together.
The King repudiates the Queen.
The old dame marries the parrot.
César becomes King.
I marry him and voilà, I'm the Queen!
Listen, Salluste, don't you notice your head swelling enormously sometimes?
Know what I mean?
What are you doing here then, my dear César?
His name is not César. It's Blaze.
The King said to me: "You have a choice.
Either you marry Doña Juana, or it's the Berbers for you.
And?
And it's the Berbers.
Yoohoo!
César!
Oh no!
The old dame!
César! César!
I'm here! It's me!
Oh no!
Oh no, help!
Help!
César, wait for me, my love.
Subtitles translated ♪♪byXQ2